Greek Mythology : The birth of Dionysus

Zeus was an interesting, and most notably, incredibly horny guy. There’s a lot of different variations of this story, but this is my favorite.

The birth of Dionysus

So Zeus was the King of the Gods. He was also the god of lightning and storms.

So one day, one of his priestesses named Semele slaughtered a bull on one of Zeus’s alters. This made Zeus crazy horny. When Semele was taking a bath in the creek, Zeus was in the form of an eagle flying above, perving on her. He decided that yep, he wanted a piece of that.

So he appeared to her at night, and they fell in love. Zeus was still super turned on by that bull slaughter the other day, and he finally did something about it.

After a little while, Semele got pregnant. She was curious about Zeus’s true power, and she asked him to show her. So he whipped out his massive lighting bolt, and showed her. Turns out he was so powerful, he vaporized her. Oops. That’s not good.

The unborn baby was still laying there, but it wasn’t done developing. So what does Zeus do? He takes his massive lightning bolt, cuts a massive hole in his thigh, sticks the baby inside, and sews it back up.

Couple weeks later, Dionysus, the god of parties is born. Somehow.

Gotta love Greek mythology.