Greek Mythology : Io and Peacock

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away (unless you live in Argos, Greece), there lived a princess named Io.

Io was a beautiful woman, and, as beautiful woman were wont to do in those times, she attracted the desire of a God.

Zeus, in particular. The King of the Gods. The Lord of Storms. The Master of the wind itself! What an honor it was, to be chosen by a God!

There was only one problem. Zeus was married. His wife, Hera, was the Goddess of Marriage, so it was somewhat understandable that Zeus didn’t want her finding out about his lack of chastity.

Not that this sort of thing hadn’t happened before, but still.

So what did Zeus do? Why, he did the logical thing, and sent Io a text, something along the lines of, “Hey, baby, I’m sorry, but as it turns out I already have a wife. Sry, we can’t see each other any more.”

Hahaha, no. No he didn’t. This is Zeus we’re talking about here. Zeus didn’t play by the so-called “rules” Hera and the other Gods kept trying to set up for him. Zeus did his own thing. He was a “bad boy”.

So, of course, he summoned up a storm cloud or two, and got it goin’ with Io, perhaps hoping that Hera wouldn’t be able to see them through the foggy weather.

He was wrong. Hera saw them. Hera saw everything.

She flew down on the wings of the wind, and Zeus only barely managed to see her coming.

He only barely managed to hop out of bed.

He only barely managed to pull his pants on.

And, as Hera began to dissipate the clouds with a wave of her hand, he only barely managed to turn Io into a cow.

Why a cow? Nobody knows. Maybe he had steak on the mind. Whatever the case, the disguise most definitely did not fool Hera.

But Hera was clever. She knew Zeus would deny everything. And since he was King of the Gods, she would have to go along with it. But Hera had a plan to make sure she got the vengeance she was due.

She asked for the cow.

“Wow, honey, did you see that storm? Hey, is that a cow? Were you trying to hide from me?”

“Um, yes? Yes? No?”

“Oh, okay then, dear. By the way, can I have the cow?”

“Ummmmm…”

Hera gave Zeus The Look.

“Yes! Yes, of course you can have the cow!”

Io snorted indignantly, but she had no choice. Hera took her away to cow prison, and set up her greatest guard, Argus.

Now, Argus was a big guy, but that’s not what made him such a good guard. He was a good guard because he could see everything.

Yep. Everything. 360 vision, everywhere, all the time.

The trick was in his eyes. All 100 of them. They coated his body like a second skin, making him virtually invulnerable to any attack.

What’s worse?

He never slept.

He just watched.

It freaked Zeus out.

Anyway…

Zeus knew that there was no way he could take Io by force, and he knew that he wasn’t clever enough to trick his wife.

But he knew someone that was. Zeus’s son (by another wife, long story), Hermes, was perfect for the job. He was the god of trickery and theft, and was always happy to make Hera miserable.

Zeus sent Hermes to collect Io, making sure to give him very specific instructions not to let anyone know that Zeus had sent him.

Zeus got up to a lot of stuff he didn’t want Hera finding out about.

Hermes was happy to do the job, and sped down to the pen where Argus kept Io in a blink.

Argus didn’t respond at all when Hermes appeared in a flash of light. He was a professional.

But even he wasn’t immune to Hermes’s power:

The power of boredom.

Hermes began to tell Argus story after story after story, droning on and on about his job in the city, the stormy weather, and politics.

Eventually, and one by one, Argus’s eyes began to close.

And then Hermes began to talk about his cat, Fifi, and Argus conked out.

Hermes, quickly, quietly went about his business, leading Io to safety on tiptoe.

Then, Argus began to stir.

Hermes stabbed Argus in the eyes, and ran.

Hermes and Io fled like the wind, but Hera was faster. She noticed them the instant Argus cried out in pain, and immediately sent out a gadfly to bombard her victims.

Hermes, being a God, was able to easily outrun the gadfly, but Io was not so lucky. The gadfly kept stinging her, and she kept running. Finally she ran straight out of Greece, and straight off the map of the known world.

Zeus was disappointed, of course, but there were plenty of cows in the sea.

Hermes was delighted that he had a new story to tell at parties.

Hera was contented with her victory. Despite the loss of her best guard, she felt sure she had gotten her point across to Zeus. She was confident there would be no such “cow incidents” in the future.

(She was wrong. Very, very wrong.)

As for Argus, he was resurrected as a peacock, Hera’s sacred animal, because why not.

And they all lived dysfunctionally ever after.

The End.